We all need reassurance in knowing we are not alone in the way we think or feel or in what we have experienced. This is especially important when someone close to us passes away, and we have to face the process of grieving. Dealing with grief can be especially hard during the holiday season, as the holidays bring back memories of loved ones and are reminders that you cannot share them with that person anymore. Wanting to give residents the chance to share their experiences and discuss the difficult emotions they are feeling, the Spiritual Life ministers at Presbyterian Village North (PVN) started “Journey Through Grief,” a new support group for people who are dealing with any kind of grief in their lives. Carolyn Mitchell, minister of Spiritual Life for PVN, collaborated with Valerie Sanchez, who serves as the director of bereavement and integrated therapies for Faith Presbyterian Hospice, to design a support group that would meet the residents’ needs. Meetings are held on the fourth Tuesday of each month at 2:00 p.m.

“Previously, residents had to travel to other venues to participate in grief support groups,” said Mitchell. “Wanting to lessen the inconveniences of traveling far and the time it eats up, we thought we would create our own group here at PVN. We begin each meeting by checking in with each other and enjoying coffee and light refreshments. We want the ambiance to be warm and casual. Then we sit together and share our losses and touch on what we are each going through individually. We encourage attendees not to offer advice, as everyone’s situation is unique. This is a private, sacred and safe place where we can lend an ear to each other’s heartaches and pray for one another. Everyone here has a deep understanding of the pain each person is going through because they are experiencing something similar.”

“Grief can be an isolating experience for many, as reactions to grief may be overwhelming and at times frightening,” said Sanchez. “Grief support groups decrease isolation and offer a safe place to fully express emotions. Many times people find it hard to find meaning in their lives without their loved one here, which may give them an additional sense of loss. In the grief support groups, we all work toward the common goal of finding balance in our lives as we discover new meaning. Attendees may tell their story as many times as they need to find the balance they are seeking. I find joy in giving back to those who are grieving by lending an ear, educating them on what to expect, bringing normalcy to the process and validating their feelings. I am happy to have helped Presbyterian Village North start their grief support group and am here to help them in any way I can.”

Most of the participants have lost a spouse, or for some a child; however, there are other causes of grief such as loss of health or parting with something that reminds a person of their family, such as their parents’ house with 40 years of memories. The support group began in October and has been going strong since then. The meetings are held at 2:00 p.m. and are for residents only. A grief support group offers a way to gather and to listen without judgment, without the need to hurry or rush or to “fix”.  Mitchell has received many compliments on the program thus far. In addition to discussing each person’s situation and the emotions it evokes, Mitchell dives into the stages of grief so residents will understand that what they are experiencing is quite normal. The stages do not necessarily happen in order. It is case by case.

“For most, grief starts with shock. You cannot believe the person is gone,” said Mitchell. “Shock is followed by denial. You still expect the person to call or to walk in the door. Then people may get angry–angry at the person for leaving or angry at God for taking them too soon. Eventually you reach the point of acceptance, in which you can accept their death and move forward while keeping their memory in your heart. This process can take a very long time for some. Many times friends and family members urge a loved one experiencing grief to snap out of it, but it is not always that easy. Everyone is different.”

A person may be struck by grief at any point in time. They may be overcome by sadness or tears or anger, even after they thought they had moved past that stage of the process. Signs that you may be experiencing grief are loss of appetite or eating too much, not being able to sleep or sleeping all the time or drastic changes in emotions or emotional well-being. In the meetings, Mitchell discusses ways to help residents deal with grief and move forward. For many, simply having a few people listen to their story does much healing on its own. So far it is an intimate group, consisting of five to eight members, and everyone makes a promise to keep the discussion confidential. The meetings last about an hour and thirty minutes.

“Helen Keller once said, ‘What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us,’” said Mitchell. “Her observance is the key message of our group. The people we lose will always have a special place in our hearts. We do not have to forget them. We can remember them, and in honor of their memory move forward with our lives and try as best as we can to live them to the fullest. In the presence of love and acceptance, a group empathizes with each other’s deep sorrow and supports one another in the hope of the joy that will come.”

“Residents have already expressed that they feel better,” said Ron Kelly, executive director of Presbyterian Village North. “We all hope that they improve over time and find themselves in a healthier place emotionally, spiritually and physically. In addition, residents and team members may meet with Spiritual Life ministers to discuss grief at any time. Our sister organization, Faith Presbyterian Hospice, hosts grief luncheons at Presbyterian churches in the Dallas area as well. Its events are what spurred the creation of the grief program at PVN. We are happy to provide these services to our residents who are in need of support, guidance and love. We are considering opening the group to the adult children of residents and eventually the general public.”